I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
