Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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