Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think your dad took our porno
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
