He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
