My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
