We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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