Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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