I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
