So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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