I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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