No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
