plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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