So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
