So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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