her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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