the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
