Girls should come with a carfax report
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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