we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
