Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize