how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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