nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
