should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
