He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
