I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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