Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
