Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
