Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
