I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
