woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
