I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
