I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
