i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
