The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
