in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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