If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
