Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
