Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
