I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
