Plan B is the new Plan A
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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