i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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