I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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