where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
