it wasn't lemon gatorade
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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