this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
