u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
