my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
