It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize