smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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