I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
