they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize