remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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