How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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