i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
