She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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