In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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