So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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