the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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