i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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