i already hear my dad disowning me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
