So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
