Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
