I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
