It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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