You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
