9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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