I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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