My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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