Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
