Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize