Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
This is not my ceiling
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
