Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
