I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
