When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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