I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
