i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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