Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
