went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
