I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
