I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
