by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
